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When I told my family I wanted to be a comedian when I grew up, they all laughed at me.

Well I showed them.  Nobodys laughing now.

— Jim Zeek Pyramid Technology

Capitalist Hell vs Communist Hell

A political activist named Dave was just arriving in Hell, and was told he had a choice to make.  He could go to Capitalist Hell or to Communist Hell.

Naturally, Dave wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to Capitalist Hell.  There outside the door was Rockerfeller, looking bored.  “What’s it like in there?”  asked Dave.  “Well,” he replied , “In Capitalist Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.”

“That’s terrible!!”  gasped Dave.  “I’m going to check out Communist Hell!”  He went over to Communist Hell, where he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in; the line circled around the lobby seven
times before receding off into the horizon.  Dave pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found Karl Marx busily signing people in.  Dave asked Karl what Communist Hell was like.
“In Communist Hell,” said Marx impatiently, “they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let vultures tear out your liver, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.”

“But …  but that’s the same as Capitalist Hell!”  protested Dave.

“True,” sighed Marx, “but sometimes we don’t have oil, sometimes we don’t have knives …”

— Henry Cate III

Every woman is a 10

Every woman’s a 10.  It just depends upon which base you’re counting in.